We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
