I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
