I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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