hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
