Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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