Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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