I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
