Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
