meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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