he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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