You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
