Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
