They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
