I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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