Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
