I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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