Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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