At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
