If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
