He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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