just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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