with your own penis?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
