She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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