There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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