the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
