she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
FUCK WHALES
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
