i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
