took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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