drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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