My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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