you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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