I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
