His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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