I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
