She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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