Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
