saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
