after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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