This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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