do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
