If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
