It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
