plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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