Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
