After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
