That's intense
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
