I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
