o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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