Welp...herpes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
