He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
