What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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