I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
